Sheared Bliss


Holy flying rodents, Batman!
July 16, 2009, 8:19 pm
Filed under: Randomness | Tags:

Soooo . . . have you ever had someone talk to you as you’re falling asleep and when you wake up you can remember that they talked to you, but not what was said?

The other night as I was going to bed CodeMonkey came in and told me that Shrub was acting funny and seemed to be stalking something in the living room.  He couldn’t see what it was, but we both assumed it was a bug (fun and tasty!) and he was glad because it meant she wasn’t bothering him while he was trying to work.  I was nearly asleep when he came back in and told me . . . something.  The next morning I woke up and vaguely remembered that CodeMonkey had said something, but I couldn’t remember what.  I assumed it wasn’t too important, but when I wandered out into the living room I started to rethink that assessment.  There was a hand mirror lying in the middle of the living room floor and the metal front of our fireplace was partly disassembled.  Hmm . . .  Did this have something to do with what CodeMonkey was telling me last night?  I still can’t remember so I trot back into the bedroom to poke CodeMonkey.

Me: Honey? (poke poke) Honey, wake up. (poke)

CodeMonkey: (mumble, roll over)

Me: (poke poke) No, really, I need you to wake up enough to tell me why my mirror is in the living room.

CodeMonkey: (mumble mumble) crevice (mumble)

Me: What crevice?  What are you talking about?

CodeMonkey: (making a great effort at coherence) I was using it to look in the crevices.

Me: Crevices?

CodeMonkey: (very annoyed now and still mostly asleep) In the fireplace!

Me: . . . (thinks hard) . . . OH MY GOD!  You told me that there was a bat in here last night, didn’t you?!?!?

CodeMonkey: Yes. (pulls pillow over his head)

After CodeMonkey woke up I got the full story.  Apparently Shrub was stalking something, but it wasn’t a bug.  She was sitting staring at the fireplace very intently.  Eventually CodeMonkey realized that the strange noises he was hearing weren’t coming from outside, they were coming from the fireplace.  He went over to investigate and saw this:

Yeah, somehow a bat managed to get in our fireplace.  No, not in the fireplace like it flew down the chimney and came out through the fireplace itself, but in the fireplace like it’s stuck between the metal fireplace insert and the surrounding wall.

CodeMonkey shut a very annoyed Shrub in the bathroom and proceeded to try to get the bat out.  He tried to dismantle the metal front of the fireplace, but realized that it’s actually cemented into the wall and there’s no way to get it out to free the bat.  During this process he also realized that there’s not one, but two bats.  Even better!

Fortunately, while messing around with the fireplace, CodeMonkey discovered that, even though he couldn’t take it apart to get the bats out, if he pushed on the metal frame it made a gap big enough for them to crawl through.  He pushed on the hole and bat one came popping out.  It flew a victory lap around the living room and landed on the floor:

CodeMonkey promptly dropped a basket over it and whisked it outside.  So far, so good – now for bat two.

Bat two (which CodeMonkey has dubbed “the dumb bat”) was having none of it.  CodeMonkey held the gap open for it, shone his flashlight in, made encouraging batty noises, all to no avail.  The dumb bat just sat there in the fireplace looking at him.  Finally at 4am CodeMonkey gave up and went to bed – the bat definitely wasn’t going anywhere.

The next morning after waking up, CodeMonkey called the apartment office.  The maintenance guy’s suggestion?  “Well, I guess you could light a fire and smoke him out . . .”  Um, yeah, thanks dude.  What’s worse than a bat in your fireplace?  A DEAD bat in your fireplace!

Thankfully we haven’t heard any strange noises from the fireplace since then so we’re hoping the poor batty-bat got out the way he came in.

And now, because it’s been stuck in my head for DAYS and I just have to share:

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